An
article written by Gail Rubin, an end-of-life pre-planning advocate and
educator, highlights a particular October 30th holiday established
in 1999 by Stephanie West Allen.
Having witnessed the difficulties her own relatives faced upon the death
of individuals who had not declared funerary preferences, she conceived this
annual occasion to emphasize the wisdom of addressing – while alive – the practicalities
and life celebration aspects of death management.
As
Allen noted, “The people who are left behind are so grateful to have this
already done.” It is a gift to
family members. When they know they
are following through on their loved one’s wishes, the proceedings can be so
much more meaningful for them.
Reference
is made to the “Terror Management Theory” within the realm of social psychology. This postulate suggests that all human
behavior is governed by one’s realization that death is inevitable in spite of
a desire to live, thereby generating a uniquely human conflict that produces
terror. Does this explain why
people generally exhibit a disinclination to examine matters of death and plan
in advance for it?
Can
the glaring societal avoidance syndrome be remedied by courageously confronting
and exploring what Gail Rubin notes as “mortality salience,” a term that
defines awareness of one’s own eventual demise? She identifies the value of Create A Great Funeral Day in
that it “prompts us to be mindful and self-aware, to plan reflectively in
advance, rather than in reaction after someone dies.”
In
the absence of pre-planning, funeral affairs may be perfunctory and as flat as
a bottle of soda without any fizz. Allen refers to the “rent-a-minister” approach whereby the
speaker may describe elements of the decedent’s life in spite of never having
known him, or deliver standard theological oratory that’s contrary to that
person’s (and the guests’) tenets.
Because
of its special designation in the context of pre-planning, October 30th
affords an opportunity to pause and contemplate funerary choices along with aspects
of one’s life considered worth remembering. It is a day for pondering and a day
for action. It is a day to become
proactive, take the bull by the horn, and declare in some form your own
personal preferences. It is a way
to avoid what Allen has dubbed “a facelift funeral,” the unfortunate
consequence of going through the motions without answering the emotional needs
of mourners. Such a “cookie cutter” approach neglects incorporating
personalized elements that render positive experiences for the living and a
sense of continued connection with the beloved individuals who have died.
So
this year when you rise and shine on October 30th, consider rising
to the occasion and initiating a new venture. Be amazed by the plethora of options – many of which are
unique and intriguing – for choosing courses of actions and recording them on
paper or via a computer file. Find
out how exploration and decision making for life’s last milestone can be surprisingly
enjoyable. Think of all you’ve contributing to the welfare of your family and
add this to the list. During the
remainder of your lifetime, revisit your preference record of choices each year
when this holiday rolls around, make changes according to your current outlook,
realize that you have composed a wonderful gift for your family, and revel in
the fact that you are prepared!
Avoid a “Facelift Funeral”
with Create a Great Funeral Day,
by Gail Rubin
by Gail Rubin
